After stepping down as the United States’s ambassador to the United Nations, there has been much speculation as to what Nikki Haley’s next job will be. For the most part, the former governor of South Carolina has been mum about the whole affair. However, after a lengthy two-hour meeting with U.S. President Donald Trump, Nikki Haley’s new has been revealed.
She’s going to star in the Republican musical version of 50 Shades of Grey. The musical, written by Donald Trump with music by Kayne West will feature Haley as EL James’ notorious bad girl Anastasia Steele. Starring opposite of Haley will be the president’s son and head of Mensa, Eric Trump.
Much as the film did, the musical will feature the Steele character entering into a normal relationship with businessman Grey. The relationship turns sadomasochistic when Grey discovers that Steele is secretly a Democrat in disguise and currently works on the Beto O’Rourke campaign.
Grey demands Steele sign a non-disclosure agreement because he doesn’t want his father finding out or that she decides to hire Michael Avenatti as her lawyer, who then goes on to appear on CNN and MSNBC a lot, then gets into an argument with Tucker Carlson. Grey doesn’t want to be the one responsible for making Carlson mad because he’s “mean enough to Grey as it is.”
Grey tells Steele that he only has interrelations involving bondage that is clearly defined in the contract by his dad, though his dad had no prior knowledge of writing the contract on a plane. And, as well, his dad hasn’t ever had wet dreams of spanking Nikki Haley.
While considering the agreement, Steele tells Grey that she is a virgin, which confuses the stupid perv because he knows she has two children. Nonetheless, Grey and Steele visit the stupid perv’s “playroom.” which is stocked full of Grey’s BDSM toys, 400 copies each of every magazine that his dad is on the cover of.
After returning home to South Carolina, Steele continues seeing Grey, who wants further sexual experimentation. He asks if she would like to meet his mother and then spanks her with a magazine that has Chuck Schumer on the cover.
.Upset and disgusted, Steele breaks up with Grey after concluding that he is wrong Trump for her and decides to seek out Grey’s father, who gives her the job of ambassador to the United Nations where she is sent to Moscow to be regularly spanked by Vladimir Putin who only reads magazines with himself on the cover.
The musical, which President Trump has assured critics, “…will have the greatest music of any musical ever, of any show in history. It will make Hamilton look like Mildred Pierce (He meant Franklin).