For too long there has been ramant speculation as to what is the worst film ever made. Debates, articles and panel discussions continue with no real consensus as to what is in fact the worst movie of all time. With that in mind, we at LBJBR came up with a practical solution, why not let the movies themselves sort it out for themselves. Thus LBJBR proudly presents:
MOVIE BATTLES:
The fight to the Bottom
Our first match in this epic tournament is
The Fate of the Furious
vs
Orgy of the Dead
This is a very intriguing first round match up, ladies and gents. This is your ringside announcer and color commentator Harvey X. It is 1965 movie written by that master of cinema Ed Wood Orgy of the Dead taking on a surprising newcomer to the scene The Fate of the Furious.
Now I know most pundits and critics aren’t giving Vin Diesel’s gang a chance with oppositon of this magnitude.
(Author’s Note: Clearly the Academy Awards people were having trouble deciding who to nominate for an award. The girl on the left was a graduate of Juillard). Diesel’s group, however, plan to ride their piss poor writing and directing as far as they can.
- Deckard: Do you really believe you can beat me in a straight-up old fashioned fist fight?
- Hobbs: Let me tell you something. Me and you. One on one. No one else around. I will beat your ass like a Cherokee drum.
- Deckard: Maybe one day we’ll find out.
- Hobbs: Oh, you better hope that day never comes.
And that is the case, Vin Diesel’s crew come out those godawful lines read with less conviction than Donald Trump at Mensa.
This match might not last very long. Ed Wood’s script is really taking it on the chin. Ed Wood is powerless to stop the vicious attacks from the inane dialogue from the 8th and final installment of the Fast and Furious franchise.
Ed Wood is frantic. He is beside himself.
This match won’t last much longer if Orgy of the Dead doesn’t do something and quick. Wait, what’s happening? What the hell? The whole arena has gone dark.
Desperate times call for desperate measure, that clip of Orgy of the Dead co-star Pat Barrington is not even in the film.
They are double teaming The Fate of the Furious but it has no effect. The foreign object, Pat Barrington’s breasts, have done nothing to the Vin’s atrocious picture. They are giving their one acting expression of the film in defiance
MEAN FACE!
Uh-oh, here comes The Fate of the Furious’s finisher.
To quote Wikipedia.
The film has grossed over $1.2 billion worldwide, making it the thirtieth film (and the second in the franchise, after Furious 7) to gross over $1 billion, the second highest-grossing film of 2017 and the eleventh highest-grossing film of all time.
1-2-3. Game over.
The winner.
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