Reeling Republicans Reveal Secret Weapon: Super Undead Ninja Ronald Reagan

News of the Republicans demise have been grossly over-exaggerated. No, Paul Ryan didn’t suddenly get a brain and remains as dumb as a caffeine addicted Russian. Party leaders have killed that horse after much study and deliberation. Instead, as the Republicans run out the clock in the Trump presidency, the hope for 2020 gets its final upgrades. It is Ronald Reagan, only 20 times better. this version is a ninja and he is undead. The 2020 Republican party presidential nominee Super Undead Ninja Ronald Reagan.

Long in development, Super Undead Ninja Ronald Reagan is the result of numerous top schaientists collaborative effort. That and one too many viewings of Bedtime for Bonzo. Its cost is unknown. Some have put it at a billion, while others have gone as high as 8 billion dollars. Super Undead Ninja Ronald Reagan when asked how much it took to produce hiham played dumb.

“Well,  sir. That is a very good question. In the morning as the sun rose into the Gipper, I realized that I could not recall.

Critics were mixed about the Ninja Reagan. Sean Hannity attacked bystanders with his overgrown, throbbing erection.

“I want to buttf#ck that Ninja Reagan,” Hannity would say over and over.

Hannity’s joy aside, many questioned the Ninja Reagan’s ability. The crowd pushed for a sampling of his powers but creators said now wasn’t the time.

For now, Republicans are sitting pretty with Super Undead Ninja Ronald Reagan. However, word came late that the Democrats put into motion a counter: Ultimate Awesome Aerobic Instructor Bill Clinton.

 

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