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Uncle Joe Stalin’s Advice For Donald Trump

This Donald Trump, I must say, he has great potential but acts like a scared  little bitch and he doesn’t do what he is supposed to do. When I was chosen by the people of Russia to lead them in the march to great equality, I knew some things would have to change. Donald, I  am speaking to you now. Take off your girlly American pants and  put great  Soviet pants.They may smell bad and be covered in blood but that is because every man who has worn them I have had executed.

I digress.

On my first day as head of the Soviet Union and I see healthcare legislation that favors too many deadbeats. Here,  read yourself:

“With the growing call for universal healthcare in Russia, Czar Nicholas has promised to get Russia in more wars so none of you will be alive long enough to get sick now.”

You see what  I was up against? This was socialized medicine at it’s worst. If I didn’t act, the USA would laugh at us and shout, “Hey, after we beat you in the cold war, let’s go get a beer,eh, hoser?

Russia has a great many problems but we would never be  Canada. Even as bad as our hockey is right  now, it is still better than Canadian.

I vowed the Soviet Union would never  be worse than Canada at anything. The Soviet Union may have been a socialist state but it wasn’t about to give anyone a free ride. You see,  this is another time when you Americans don’t know anything. Socialism in the Soviet Union had nothing to do with equality.

Still, the people wonder if they get sick, will there be medicine to cure them? I assured them that they do not need healthcare. Uncle Joe  will take care of them.

And I did. I  took care of them all.

So, Mr.Trump. I say directly to you. Take care of them all.


Thomas Swan View All

You may have heard of me. I have been a staff writer for Rays Colored, Popcorn I was editor of and coeditor with my brother Brad Repka. I was senior writer at, where I covered everything from Classical Music to Jazz and Blues and Bollywood.

I have interviewed actors and actresses. Notably Kevin Sorbo, Brian Dennehy, Lucas Til, documentary director Robert Mugge, Jazz Guitarist Jesse Cook
LBJBathroom reader is my first attempt at an entertainment site with what I feel is missing from other sites.

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