It is perhaps odd to see mass of inanimate objects rise up en masse against a live person to protest against a common enemy. The scene was a Washington DC courtroom, packed full of history’s finest and most liked works of literature. Their head, the iconic Clarence Darrow. His clients sought a court order against prolific author James Patterson.
It was a long time coming. After years of frustration, and with absolutely no recourse at their disposal, classic tomes by lesser known authors such as Anthony Trollope, Margaret Mead and Erich Remarque have been sacrificed to inventory fire sales by secondhand booksellers and ten cent library sales in the name of progress. Out with the old and in with the new.
Gone from library shelves the beautiful poetry of Percy Shelley, the lyricism of expression of Ernest Hemingway, the sinister darkness of Edgar Allen Poe. For James Patterson. Lots and lost of James Patterson.
“This is the legacy we want to leave our children,”was the oft uttered fear offered by many of the transplanted classics.
“Just this week we lost two long time friends of mine,” a tome who asked not to be named for fear he may be next. “Forever Amber and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn were taken away in the night. Replaced by the four novels Patterson wrote last week.” The tome summed up his frustration by asking a question many of us have wondered for quite a long time, “Do were we really need another James Patterson novel?”
With sales as strong as ever, it is very likely that the answer is , “Yes, we will.” In an effort to stem the tide, Literature bandied together to tackle the gigantic juggernaut of three sentence paragraphs. Clarence Darrow of Inherit Wind fame, itself a victim of the Patterson mediocrity, took up the cause and set about writing an injunction to present in court.
Stay tuned to LBJ’s Bathroom Reader for details as they become available.