Scientists Say Evolution Proved by Tampa Bay QB Jameis Winston and Donald Trump

For years,  the theory of evolution has been a hotly debated topic. The idea that man evolved from the apes has found as many people disagreeing with it as agreeing. The apes themselves even mounted a strong campaign a few months ago with the catchy slogan, “Don’t blame us.”

Still, the question of how mankind got here remains hotly debated. A group of scientists at the University of Miami came out and claimed to have found solid proof that man had in fact evolved from apes.

It started last year when Gregory Tamick, a noted PhD and amateur hen teaser, began assessing them state of American culture. What he found even surprised Tamick. Speaking to a group of elementary school students, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Jameis Winston showed that the only thing he’s probably less successful at than football is  women. This from CNN:

While speaking to elementary school students in St. Petersburg, Florida, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Jameis Winston said that ladies are “supposed to be silent, polite, gentle.”

Admittedly, Tamick and colleague George “Sugar” Atwood, both of whom stressed to this reporter that despite the rumors they are not gay, knew they would need more proof. They would find in November when Donald Trump was elected president of the United States.

This once great country was deevolving or else Patrick McGoohan was trying to warn us when he unmasked #1.